I know... its horribly shocking, isn't it? haha. Most people who know
me think I'm gay anyways... and those who don't... well all I can say is bless you:) Its not an easy thing being gay and Mormon, but then again, what in life is easy? Why should I assume that because I'm Mormon I don't have to deal with contradictions, or an oxymoron? Trials are part of life, and even though I may be bitter at times, I have come to realize that my trial to bear, among other things, is that I'm gay. This would explain my contempt for Utah County and BYU, both of which represent a very negative environment that I have had to live with for the past 9 years. Only one more year and then I'll be free from the narrow minded mass that I have grown to truly despise.
Now I will admit that I have issues with going to Church, more specifically priesthood. Mormonism is a different thing when one realizes that marriage and family aren't in the cards. But even with my difficulties attending church, I've still made the commitment to remain Mormon. My testimony, though weak at times, has kept me from walking too far off the path.
This act of gumption (two times in one day...ha) has come after my unintentional coming out to my parents. That accidental act of courage led me to come out to my best friend Shawna. And now I have come out, in a manner of speaking, to the rest of the world. Though, as I said before, I doubt anyone will read this. I am not ashamed to admit that I'm a Mormon going through trials. How can I expect my fellow members to "bear my burdens" if they don't know what they are. People waste too much energy keeping everything inside. I believe that we, as members of the church, have a choice to make. We can remain to live with secrets, while attending Church in fear, or we can proudly admit to one another that we are human, and very imperfect. The strength of the Church lies with the unity of its members. Unity which, I believe, will grow exponentially when we as members decide to let go of our fears and announce our flaws. Our imperfections are what make us the same.