One Small Step for Man...

Recent turmoil in my life has inspired me to display a certain amount of gumption (how often do you come across that word). I would like to share something with the world of blogger. And though I realize that very few, if any people will actually read this, there's something very therapeutic about putting personal woes into writing. OK... Here it goes... I'M GAY.

I know... its horribly shocking, isn't it? haha. Most people who know

me think I'm gay anyways... and those who don't... well all I can say is bless you:) Its not an easy thing being gay and Mormon, but then again, what in life is easy? Why should I assume that because I'm Mormon I don't have to deal with contradictions, or an oxymoron? Trials are part of life, and even though I may be bitter at times, I have come to realize that my trial to bear, among other things, is that I'm gay. This would explain my contempt for Utah County and BYU, both of which represent a very negative environment that I have had to live with for the past 9 years. Only one more year and then I'll be free from the narrow minded mass that I have grown to truly despise.

Now I will admit that I have issues with going to Church, more specifically priesthood. Mormonism is a different thing when one realizes that marriage and family aren't in the cards. But even with my difficulties attending church, I've still made the commitment to remain Mormon. My testimony, though weak at times, has kept me from walking too far off the path.

This act of gumption (two times in one day...ha) has come after my unintentional coming out to my parents. That accidental act of courage led me to come out to my best friend Shawna. And now I have come out, in a manner of speaking, to the rest of the world. Though, as I said before, I doubt anyone will read this. I am not ashamed to admit that I'm a Mormon going through trials. How can I expect my fellow members to "bear my burdens" if they don't know what they are. People waste too much energy keeping everything inside. I believe that we, as members of the church, have a choice to make. We can remain to live with secrets, while attending Church in fear, or we can proudly admit to one another that we are human, and very imperfect. The strength of the Church lies with the unity of its members. Unity which, I believe, will grow exponentially when we as members decide to let go of our fears and announce our flaws. Our imperfections are what make us the same.

One More Down..

So... I officially made it through Winter semester.  I'm still alive, so I figure I did pretty well:)  I still have to wait another week to see what my grades will be.  I only have reservations about two classes... Music History and Form and Analysis.  I'm praying I pass them both.

With the end of Winter semester marks the end of my Junior year.  Assuming I pass all my classes, I will be a senior, on the road to graduation.  I'm taking classes during Spring and Summer terms to stay on top of things, and if I stay focused, I'll be done with by Bachelors degree by the Summer of next year.  I'm getting a little anxious, because I still don't have a solid career in mind, and I'm running out of time to figure it out.  I also haven't decided what I'm going to do in terms of a graduate degree.  Once upon a time I wanted to obtain a Doctorate, but my disdain for college has nearly killed that idea.  I just need to get away from BYU, and I think I'll be fine.  Its a good school, but the environment isn't conducive to learning.  The final kernel of frustration in my current education goals is money.  I'm on my way to being over 20,000 in debt for a bachelors degree, and that amount is only going to get bigger if I continue.  Lots to think about.     

Reveling in My Accomplishments!

There's nothing more American then a good competition.  Last Friday I had a chance to compete in the annual NATS competition (NATS stands for the national association for the teachers of singing).  I can't say exactly way I entered.  I didn't feel like I was prepared, nor did I feel like I had any possibility to place.  I competed in this same competition 2 years ago...  I managed to get third only because my division consisted of 10 people.  Its grown considerably since then.

My first obstacle was the preliminary round.  I faced singers that were, in my opinion, far more skilled than I was.  To my surprise, I struck a chord with the judicators, who told me when I was finished that I had 'great technique.'  The next morning I had to sing in the semi-final round.  I wasn't nervous, because, once again, I didn't think I was headed for the finals.  I was in utter shock to see my name grace the finals board.  I was part of the top three classical singers in my division.  At that point I knew first place was out of my reach ( I was competing with BYU's singer of the year), so I sang in the finals feeling completely content with how far I had come.  I placed third...  familiar territory, yet somehow it felt so satisfying.  Maybe a professional singing career isn't so far fetched.  The entire experience left me with an added sense of who I am and what I'm trying to accomplish.  Singing is who I am, and someday people around the world are going to know me for it.